READING

A nothing-to-do-with-Christmas Carol-except-itR...

A nothing-to-do-with-Christmas Carol-except-it’s-not-a-song

‘YOU BOY!’

‘Me suh?

‘Aye, you Boy! What day is it to-day?’

‘Why, tis Monday suh!’

[throws large stone at Boy’s head, Boy topples to the ground]

‘No Boy, you are WRONG.’

[Boy regains composure]

‘Wh.. why suh?’

‘Today is not Monday. For today begins the HALF WEEK’

‘I think I might have concussion suh, might you have a hot compress to stem the bleeding suh?’

‘There is no time for hot compresses, for I must explain why the HALF WEEK has occurred!’

‘Yes, suh, please explain suh’

‘This week is the HALF WEEK…’

‘I know that suh.’

‘SILENCE!’

[Boy starts wobbling as the blood from his head wound begins to crust over]

‘Sorry suh, please suh, explain more.’

‘This week is the HALF WEEK, for I have no need to work past thirteen hundred hours at any point during the days on which work is to be carried out.’

‘Very good suh, may I please journey to the hospital suh? I think my skull may be fractured suh…’

‘INSOLENT CHILD, the story is not yet over! For along with the HALF WEEK, this also is the last working week of 2014! Oh how I shall sit and feast on fine foods, on logs made of chocolates, and birds stuffed with herbs and bread. My feline pet shall dine on the fanciest of treats, and we shall watch film after film. Drinks of Fizz belonging to Buck shall make appearances, and wine so posh such as has never before been seen in this part of the earth shall be consumed. Tis a fine time to be alive Boy!’

‘Lovely suh, may I perchance please take my leave suh? The large stone you threw at me had dog dropping on it suh, and I believe it’s entered the wound suh.’

‘Ew, that’s gross. Well, yes, off you pop. No one likes a festering headwound Boy.’

Anyway, the point of all this is that this week I have three half days and then no more days, and I can’t believe it’s 2015. Before you all know it, I’ll be heading to Jamaica where warmth and sunshine and many cocktails await.

Tis the season, innit.


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